Friday, October 24, 2008

Words to Live By

I've been reading a book by a Canadian author named Elizabeth Hay called "Late Nights on Air" which is set at a Yellowknife radio station in 1975. Not only is it beautifully written and intriguing, it won the 2007 Giller Prize, no small feat when up against seasoned authors such as Michael Ondaatje and M.G. Vassanji.
In it she mentions a Mr. Funk, a well known dictionary publisher and poet, who had taken the trouble to compile the 10 most beautiful words in the English language. In no particular order, I give you:
mist, hush, luminous, murmuring, dawn, chimes, lullaby, melody, tranquil and golden.
I love these words and agree with Mr. Funk but can't actually tell you why they're so pretty. It's more of a feeling than anything else.
Do you have any others to add?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

VW Adventures

It's time for my 32000 km checkup. I have, however, waited until 39000 km, something I probably shouldn't have done but the car didn't burst into flames so I'm fairly confident we're going to be ok.
I had to drive all the way to the west island, weaving through traffic and roadblocks to arrive at the des Sources Volkswagen. As I was just turning the corner onto Hymen Street (I know!) I stalled the car and couldn't get it up again. Now, anyone who has ever driven a manual transmission can attest to the fact that even the most skilled drivers will occasionally take their foot off the clutch prematurely. The engine cuts, the car stops. It's frustrating - but it's also more embarrassing than anything else. Especially when you've been driving a manual car for 12+ years......sigh.
During today's episode I had the misfortune of having someone behind me with the patience of my late father. That is to say, absolutey none at all, to the point of inexplicable rage and threat of bodily harm, including but not limited to lynching, decapitation and/or severe beating. I stalled and this guy leaned on his horn, repeatedly and agressively, to the point where I got flustered and couldn't get the car going again. Turns out we were both going to the VW dealership and when I got out I turned to him and said, "you know, I didn't mean to stop there. I stalled." So he told me I should have put my flashers on, to which I replied that it's hard to get going again with someone blasting their horn in your ass. His pathetic reply? It wasn't my fault. Afterwards I felt all shaky, blood pumping, kind of sick and rageful. I didn't like it.
Now I don't know how Stixie does it. She's able to fight with absolutely everyone, never thinking twice about airing her grievances. I've never been able to do that, instead I stew and think about how I should have told so and so where to go, how exactly to stick it, etc.
So I got to thinking about my reaction to a simple horn honking and how it illicited unabashed rage, fierce releases of adrenaline and murderous intent. What I've concluded, however, is that I become a different person when I get behind the wheel. While I'm generally a pretty calm and reasonable person (I hope) I turn into Dave when I get behind the wheel. The other day I yelled "dumb cunt!" to someone out my window after some (dumb cunt) in a mini van honked and shook her fists at me.
I think what enrages me most is the fact that I'm a better driver than all of these people. So when they accuse me of bad driving, I lose my mind. And it's something I've got to get under control because I don't like the fact that complete strangers are getting this kind of reaction out of me.
I'd like to go outside and key this guy's car. Who's with me?

Thursday, October 9, 2008


Has anyone gotten tired of checking in and seeing "I Heart Satire" without any sign of a new post? I know I have, people, and I'm sorry for giving you hope only to dash your dreams. I do like your optimism, however, and today I'm gonna reward the hell out of it. Or at least try.
So what's been going on and what will today's little ditty be about? For starters, I'd like to make everyone au courant on the whole life is awesome situation. I've come to realize that life is pretty sweet these days and instead of waking up to that fact 30 years from now, I'm going to try this whole "living in the moment" philosophy and thank my lucky stars for the hand I've been dealt.
Some pretty cool stuff of late:

-extra time at 4645 with 3 of my faves...
-changing leaves
-a cross country visit from my soul sister
-tomorrow night's puck drop
-tomorrow night's pint drop
-an imminent stay in a Toronto hot spot
-more hands on time at work
-being almost reduced to tears by sheer gratitude.

I've like to go visit the girl I was 3 years ago and let her catch a glimpse of today's beauty. She wouldn't believe her eyes.