A facebook friend of mine recently had a baby. I refer to her as an FB friend because I haven't seen her in at least 10 years and if I were to pass her on the street I wouldn't recognize her. And, let's be honest, even if I did happen to recognize her I would most likely avert my eyes as I couldn't handle a "what's new?" conversation after 10 years. What's new? How about fucking everything, for starters.
What's new? Pff. Please - do yourself a favour and come up with a more interesting line of questioning. How about the following:
- what's the best thing you ate recently?
- do you think Frodo should have kept the ring and ruled all of Middle Earth?
- don't you think vegans are silly?
- what's the difference between a sweet potato and a yam? cause I sure as hell don't know.
- what the eff is catsup?
Or my favourite, one reserved for people you haven't seen since you were a kid:
"You happy with the way your life turned out?"
It's both heavy and comical and can be taken either way.
But I digress.
So there I was, calming stalking people I would run away from in real life when I happened to notice that this FB friend had recently had a child. I clicked on the photos. 77, to be exact. Hell, I had nothing else to do. I clicked.
Smashed baby face.
Click.
Tired looking mother.
Click.
Swaddled baby. Yes - things were looking par for the course.
Click.
SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS EVIL AND HORRIFYING.
There he was - fresh from the womb, slimy and bloody, cord still attached. Open legs in the background. The miracle of life in the foreground. I debated whether or not to pass out. Instead, I stupidly kept clicking. And this is what I gleaned from the experience:
I can be a very harsh and judgey person. If she wants to put up bloody photos of her new baby for the whole world to see, who am I to bitch and moan about it? However, these albums need to have a warning at the beginning - "WARNING - the photos you are about to see are very, very personal and shouldn't be viewed by those with sensitive gag reflexes."
Another friend of mine recently admitted to having received photos of a live c-section. Read: stomach being cut open, baby being pulled out. She barely knew this woman yet was staring at her insides. It's too much. What happened to boundaries?
Now I should be the last person on Earth to prattle on about boundaries having just recovered from the worst hangover of my life but let me just leave you with this: the miracle of life is just that, a miracle. It's also pretty damn special and sacred and if I haven't seen you in 10 years, I shouldn't get to see something that incredibly intimate.
Thank you, however, for getting my thoughts going.
